Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i already hear my dad disowning me
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
