you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
