The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
my shit smells like andre
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
