She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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