My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Randomize
