Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
My dick has a subreddit
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
