Umm I'm too high to move.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
