So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
