obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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