he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
We had to coat check the pizza.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
