look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Did I show you my penis last night?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
