i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
