I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize