what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
