brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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