you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize
