First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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