i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
