it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
