i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
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Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
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I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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