Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
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