Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
