took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
