She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
