If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
