I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
