billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
