I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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