My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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