I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
