fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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