woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
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I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
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Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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