Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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