If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
