you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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