I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I need a burrito and a hug.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
