don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
