i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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