dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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