Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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