You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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