That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
i dont even know how to be here
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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