Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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