Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
