I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
