my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Non-Jews are for practice
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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