She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
