So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
A+ Viking dick
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
