We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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