so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
