I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
