He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
