i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
