i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
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So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
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So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize