Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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