ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
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