I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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