Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
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I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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