Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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